Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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