just come out here and I will go home with you...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize