He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
