And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Congratulations! We have a period
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
