3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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