did you get engaged???
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The beer is more important than you right now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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