I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and she was petting her beer can
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
