whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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