I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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