Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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