I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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