I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
