the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
