i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunk is not a location!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
