you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize