Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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