So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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