Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
