She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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