I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
