i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
