So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
