he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
