# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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