I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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