yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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