Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
