my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I want is dick and wine.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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