And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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