Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
