I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
