Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
