she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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