I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
