Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
