Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
