found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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