you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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