you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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