yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
