is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I believe in your delicious
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
