Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
