OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
