I am spending my child support on dildos
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
