Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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