the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
