I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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