Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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