I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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