hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
