I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ketchup is God's man juice
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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