It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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