You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
