Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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