I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
