Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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