I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
