You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
