I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
