Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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