Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
