On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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