I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
