i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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