just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
