Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We are all done wearing pants today
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
