take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
