Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
