Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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