Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
