covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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