I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
